Connecting through Truth and Grace Overcoming Old Patterns that Keep us Helpless and Stuck

The concepts of truth and grace are connected and need to be viewed not as autonomous from one another, but interdependent. They complement each other providing structure and connection within our relationships.

Truth offers order to the way we experience our relationship with God. He is our Creator and therefore our Heavenly Father. Because of sin we experience a rupture or separation with Him. We will remain separated from Him and experience isolation from Him until we accept this reality. But God offers us a way to repair this broken relationship through His grace.

Grace means we are no longer condemned because Jesus Christ’s death on the cross satisfied the requirement of our sin. Jesus stepped into this rupture taking our place so that we could come out of isolation. As a result, the consequence of sin is reversed and we are no longer in isolation from God. Through our new relationship with Christ, we understand the love of a Heavenly Father in a new and intimate way. Through our vulnerabilities we learn to trust God as He helps us overcome old patterns that keep us helpless and stuck.

Spiritually speaking, we are given a new start and a new heart through this grace. We count on the truth of scripture like Galatians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”

God longs for us to be in unity and we are offered a deep connection with Him through His truth and grace. As we apply it in our lives we experience a tender connected attachment with Him. Through His Holy Spirit we receive His affections with continued grace upon grace. When we integrate His strength into our lives we are comforted and encouraged. He gives us His wisdom through His word. And when we apply it to our relationships we grow in His truth and grace. We are better able to see that the past ways of coping no longer serve us.  

This new intimate attachment with God can be defined as friendship, a closeness that brings understanding, love and empathy. When we sin and treat others, and God, with irreverence and disrespect we interrupt the bond we have and the warm relationships we long for.

When I get frustrated with my husband I may fall back into the weak and self-indulgent old woman of Galatians, acting in ways that look like that person I was before Christ. I can reach back without trying and pull out those old patterns that have no use in my new life. Those old coping skills that I needed as a child to help build structure and made me feel safe and secure.

These old ways or patterns disconnect the closeness I have with my husband. The discord we now are in serves to violate the way I personally care for him. The truth is that I am not caring well for him, instead I have created an atmosphere of impatience and a lack of compassion. Truthfully, I am not caring well for myself either in these moments. My lack of self-control or emotional dysregulation are hurtful to both of us.

At any moment I have the ability to change this. I have the choice to apply God’s wisdom to bring clarity and empathy. I can provide a sincere, caring attitude. I can attempt to restore our relationship with grace, thereby reflecting the goodness of God toward my husband and myself.

With PTSD it takes a lot of work to move your brain out of fight, flight or fawn. The trauma from your past wants to kick in and rescue you from danger. Those patterns run deep and we need help to grow new patterns.

When I soften my attitude and humble myself before God I am equipped to ask for forgiveness and I step into the “all things new” arena. By receiving God’s grace, I am also offering for my husband to receive it with me. We have the opportunity to bring honor and respect back into our relationship and repair it.

Now, I can also set a healthy boundary if his behavior requires it. My boundaries provide the structure of the truth and offer grace as a way to move forward. My boundaries must be offered in a gentle and kind way. I must be able to move out of the PTSD brain and into the “all things have become new” brain.

But, if I only and always show grace then I move our relationship into licentiousness. I betray the truth and become weak, even self-indulgent. What I mean by self-indulgent is that I may become a pleaser or appeaser. As such, I allow my fear to keep me from stepping into the “all things new” category which allow for new patterns to take root. I need help from others to remind me that I am now in Christ and have healthy choices available.

The truth of the scripture leads me back to a safe place. I find grace from my God as my PTSD crisis reveals the character of the old patterns. I can have grace for myself as I recognize my sin. To be specific I need to be honest with myself and see when I am operating out of PTSD because that is when I am not trusting God nor am I bearing His fruit and that is my sin. I am operating in fear, anger or anxiety and not handling my stress well.

I experience His love and compassion as I seek my Heavenly Father’s healthy relationship. This connection that always makes me feel secure. I am assured to know that my Lord sees my heart, He hears my fear of not being heard, He gets me, and He will care well for me. As a result, I can care well for myself and others.

Truth and Grace

Are God’s character, they are who He is

Can’t be separated, they work together

Come because of our relationship with God-through Jesus Christ and the effects of the fall are reversed

When received help us come out of isolation

Help us find healthy relationships with safe people

Truth is Structural

It is a blueprint

It guides

It limits/boundaries

It moves us into reality

It leaves you wanting love and grace

Grace is Relational

It brings peace, closeness and tenderness

It cares

It gives empathy, compassion and strength

It leaves you wanting structure

Truth without Grace is Judgment

Our expectations are too high

We ruminate over our failures

We are prone to perfectionism

We become legalistic with unattainable limits and self-centered

We lack good spiritual fruit, Galatians 5

We get stuck in the I should and I shouldn’t and I should be able to

Grace without Truth is Licentiousness

Our expectations are too low

We lack obedience in being irresponsible, reckless and neglectful

We lack setting limits/boundaries and overindulge and are self-centered

We focus on our inabilities and get stuck in denial and blame

We get stuck in not caring- It doesn’t matter, I can’t help it, I couldn’t help myself

Truth and Grace

Undergird our foundation in Christ

Invite us out of isolation

Reverses the effects of sins consequences

Create a loving and caring attitude

 As I look for the structure, truth holds me up and I find that I’m actually looking for love. The love that includes a gracious relationship. When I look for grace, it provides tenderness, empathy and I feel cared for. It moves me into the place where I feel attached and connected in my relationships. I find through grace that I am actually looking to build on the truth of authentic and real relationships.

In my new life in Christ, I find the strength and encouragement to grow and bear hard earned fruit. I am blessed as my heart finds love and I am enabled to share it with my husband and my children and everyone else who crosses my path.

“God is not unjust; He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them. We want each of you to show this same diligence to the very end, so that what you hope for may be fully realized,” Hebrews 6:10-11.

Take from a sermon, but I can’t remember who the preacher was. I wrote notes in my journal, but sometimes I get caught up in my writing and forget to give credit to whom I was listening to.  I’ll give God the credit for this information.